As the seasons change and the leaves begin to fall off the trees, death has made her presence known by consistently reminding me that things must come to an end in order to make space for the new. For a long time I believed that everything-all the time-could be possible if we systemized our lives properly. As I think about that, my anxiety begins to warm up my belly and stretch it’s way up my back. I’ve learned, with time, that my anxiety has been trying to tell me that trying to make everything happen and exist at the same time is an unhealthy way of existing. Mother Earth shows us that there is a “reason for the season” as my pastor used to say. As we enter this season of darkness, death and endings I encourage you all to sit with the discomfort we may feel around this topic. Where do you feel it in your body?
In a recent conversation with a friend about life, I abruptly said, “you need to sit in the dark.” She said that felt scary to her and it feels scary to me too. But then I was reminded of the life that generates in the dark. A baby in a mothers belly, worms and grubs that help soil be fertile, and the darkness of the universe to be able to see the stars for guidance. My dad always says, “nothing on this earth is ours and everything must return to the dirt.” I hope that as the leaves return to the dirt and the animals make their way to their sleeping homes that we too may embrace the death that comes with this change in season as the compost needed for something new to be birthed.
With so much tenderness,
Angela Carolina